Wonderland – Connie’s first trip to the theatre!

Last night we had the pleasure of introducing our 21 month old Connie, to her first piece of theatre – a modern adaptation of Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland by Blackshaw Theatre Company.

Now we have to admit, that the idea of taking two small children to a place where they are required to sit and concentrate for longer than five minutes, fills us with what can only be described as dread. Pair that with the fact that the show was to take place in a library (where one is forced to remain silent) and you can imagine our feelings (mainly Stephen’s feelings) of apprehension and panic!

We headed to the theatre with full little tummies, a bag of emergency bribery treats and, upon arrival scoped out all of the nearest exits so that we could make a quick getaway should one of them start causing a ruckus.

Within five minutes of the show starting we realised that we had nothing to worry about. From start to finish this piece of theatre was interactive, engaging, interesting and an absolutely perfect introduction into the world of theatre.

The show’s venue - Battersea Library, lends itself perfectly to the world of the Mad Hatter. Having never visited before, we were unaware of the intricate beauty of the building. As we were taken on our journey through the rabbit hole and led from room to room, it really did feel as though we had found our way into wonderland. An already magical space was transformed into an imaginative land of wonder by the set designers which created a sense of excitement and curiosity throughout the whole performance. The fact that the setting was a library was just too perfect, as it seemed to place the very roots of the tale at the heart of the play.

We were all engrossed from beginning to end and found ourselves laughing more than we have laughed together in a long time! The quick and witty humour is written and directed in a way that is accessible by the whole family. It was impossible to believe that this was the company’s first piece of family theatre as it was pitched perfectly and had us in fits of belly giggles from beginning to end.

As a group, the actors bounce off of each with a memorising energy and timing that completely engaged us all throughout the entire performance.  Each of the actors seemed have their own unique way of connecting with the audience and the girls were captivated. Most of the actors played multiple characters and changed seamlessly between them. We were all doubly impressed by the actor’s puppetry skills – which had Bella in stitches!

We all adored the costumes, which were fantastically creative and fun. Such a lot of thought had obviously been given to the way in which each character should look, they were funny, imaginative and eye catching. Both Steve and myself were pretty darn amazed at what can only be described as the quickest of quick changes – particularly that of a specific hearty queen!

We truly loved being able to feel like small children alongside our own small children, as we took the journey down the rabbit hole. This was everything we could have hoped Connie’s first play would be like and more. What a crackin’ bit of theatre!

Thanks Blackshaw, for a magical night out.

Danielle, Steve, Bella and Connie.

Take a look at the company’s website and plan your next night out…

www.blackshawonline.com

An open letter to the man who told my crying toddler to shut the f*** up.

Dear Sir

In fact, let me direct this letter to all of the helpful passers by, who take it upon themselves to offer parenting advice and criticism as they pass my screaming toddler.

Let me start by saying, that as far as my memory can stretch, I cannot recall ever meeting or even hearing of an individual with a degree in parenting. So please, if you do happen to be this lucky baby and toddler expert, with a wealth of useful knowledge about my unique little girl, may I ask you to direct it at me and not my daughter as she may not take your constructive criticism very well. She can be a little sensitive you see.

May I also ask you to refrain from using expletives as you pass my crying child in the street. If seeing my child cry gives you reason to think that she is naughty or that my parenting skills are not up to scratch, then just think what other people might say when she randomly shouts the ‘F’ word at passers-by during our morning stroll. How will I explain to them that she picked up such a lovely word from such a knowledgeable baby and toddler expert? No one will believe me!

You see, in any normal situation if you were to swear at me or about me, I would have the self-confidence and energy to shake off your negativity and walk away with my head held high. However, when I am not feeling quite at my best (say when my child has been yelling relentlessly at the top of her lungs for 50 minutes after having screamed her way through most of the previous night) comments like yours add to a feeling of self-doubt and anxiety that I suspect most parents battle with every day.

I am sure that you can understand that even the most constructive criticism, when given during times of tantrum, can have rather a negative impact on the self esteem of a young Mother who is simply doing her best.

Though you may be silently or (in some wonderful cases) vocally doubting my mothering skills, let me reassure you that I am not neglecting my child by letting her cry. She isn’t hurt, ill, wet, tired or hungry. I haven’t beaten her or taken away her favourite toy. Believe it or not, she just feels like crying at the moment. As a baby and toddler expert, I am sure you are aware that sometimes babies actually do just cry for no reason and sometimes they can be rather loud. 

Let me take this opportunity to apologise for the apparent feelings of pain and discontentment that my daughter’s cry has caused you. It can be loud, I know, but she hasn’t been here long, and just like anyone testing out a new toy, she is merely seeing just how loud and powerful her voice can be.

Believe it or not, I actually spent nine long months waiting to hear the tone of that beautiful cry. For a long time I could not imagine that the tiny bundle growing inside of me would have his or her own voice. So to me that little voice that is causing you so much anger is actually something that I am thankful every day to hear. On the days when the crying does get to me, and I’ll admit they do occur, surely it should be me that asks her politely to use her indoor voice? I am after all the poor sucker that forced her out of my downstairs. I think it is me who has earnt the right to dish out orders, and not you.

I know it can be loud and frustrating to listen to her cry, but please do not tell her to ‘shut the f*** up’. Like you she has the right to use her voice. I am just hoping that by the time she is your age, I will have taught her to use it in a kind and respectful tone, something that your mother clearly failed to do for you.

To the one kind and considerate gentlemen who simply smiled at my daughter and then and me before saying, ‘You’re doing a brilliant job Mummy – see your little girl loves to sing’. I thank you and wish that they were all like you. You are the one who boosts my confidence when I need it most. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

When you hear a baby crying in the street/super market/café please remember that the parent caring for that child is doing his or her best. Rather than giving a dirty look or passing comments under your breath (or even to that poor parent’s face) please stop and remember, you were a baby once. Smile at them and understand that they are doing the best that they can do. 

If that doesn’t do it however, then remember this:

In 20 or so years, that child that you scorned so harshly may well end up looking after you as you live out your last days in a care home. You wouldn’t want karma to come round and bite you in the butt now would you? I’m sure that you would want to be treated with the respect that you should be showing them.

Danielle.

Five Going on Fifteen

It would seem that Bella has already hit the dreaded teenage years. Gone are the days when Mummy was the coolest thing since sliced bread, I am now apparently a personal chef and cleaning lady and, as I have been informed by Bella, a teacher of the rules of life. 

I have also been notified by my five year old, that our relationship must be kept at a professional level, in order to avoid any public embarrassment on her end. I am now permitted to cuddle only at bed time (or during heightened emotional situations such as a fall over or after a very tricky poo - hers not mine).

I really am hoping that this is just a phase. Bella has always been an extremely independent child and physical displays of affection have never really been her thing. But up until now I could at least rest assured in the knowledge that she at least like me a bit. Now it seams that even talking to me is a total bother and bore and she makes it very clear that she would rather be getting on with other things! 

Most conversations result in a power struggle, followed by Bella informing me of how much of a bad Mummy I am. This usually results in me wondering whether I am approaching the situation in the right way or whether I am actually screwing my daughter up emotionally while also destroying the connection between us that I have worked so hard to build and sustain.

I have a few theories regarding what might have caused the sudden dip in our relationship. Each seems to come with its own solution. I think.

1.) She's just at an age where she wants to be in control and independent. She needs her own space and more control of her life.

If this is the case then really we just need to give her the space she is after, while also carrying on with the routines and responsibilities we have put already put in place for her (all suggested in the wonder book 'Kids Don't Come With A Manual' as previously reviewed below).

http://accidentalparentguide.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/kids-don-come-with-manual.html

2.) She's feeling as though her little sister gets more of our attention (manly positive attention) and this is making her a bit jealous, lonely and upset. 

The difficult thing here is that, although we try our best to give the girls equal attention, Bella is now at an age where she is able to make informed decisions about her behaviour, so sometimes we are not able to disciplineand them in the same way. I'm worried that Bella has picked up on this and might be feeling as though we favour her sister 

In this situation I suppose that it is a case of trying to find a balance so that she doesn't perceive that we are constantly disciplining her while praising Connie. While we are trying to offer as much praise as we can to balance this out, it is difficult to do this genuinely when you are frequently met with a non interested eye rolling child who refuses to listen. 

3.) She actually just wants more attention and closeness with us.

Steve and I try to set a good few chunks of 1:1 time with each girls each week which they both seem to love. Maybe it's just a case of trying to do more of this. It's just a case of trying hard to make the time during a day that is already cram packed with so many other things to do!

4.) Something else entirely is bothering her.

One of the most important rules on our behaviour chart is that we listen and it is something that Steve and I often remind Bella to do. I wonder though, whether we listen enough to Bella. It is so easy to get swept up in the busy rhythm of the day, and I think that we often rush Bella though saying what she wants to tell us. I sometimes find myself finishing sentences for her, which is totally unfair and rude (if someone did this to me continuously I would probably want to give them a bunch of fives).

Working on strengthening our connection with Bella should help with this, particularly during 1:1 time when we are playing, baking or building Lego. Possible sharing our own feelings with her might help her to share hers. In any case, our main aim needs to be helping Bella know and understand that we are always here for her to talk to.

5.) she has discovered the truth - that her parents are actually not the be all and end all and really don't know what they are doing most of the time.

Well it had to happen at some point, I think we just thought that had a few more years of pretending left.

6.) It may well be all of the above.

In this case we have our work cut out for us.

Whatever the reason for the change in her behaviour, I think I just need to keep reminding Bella of how much we love her, and how much she belongs in our family. As long as she is secure in the knowledge of how loved she is, everything else should even itself out. I hope.

I think that perhaps I may just need to learn not to take it so personally. After all, even though she is acting like a teenager, she is still only five, and the real teenage years are yet to come (insert panic face).

'Accidental' is our Middle Name!

There are many reasons why we are called the Accidental Parent Guide. Mostly it is because as a family we are all quite clumsy, and tend to get ourselves into all sorts of conundrums - usually resulting in lumps, bumps, grazes and bruises. Mainly on and around the knee area!

As a result, I have learnt above all things to always be prepared. From emergency A&E survival kits (spare iPad chargers, change, books, playing cards and biscuits) to a well stocked sick bucket, I have many little treasure chests dotted about the house just waiting to be grabbed in times of crisis.

Our most important piece of kit is our well used first aid box. I once bought a complete first aid kit so that I was always at the ready. Its contents was pretty useless to tell the truth, so I decided to build my own up using products that I knew were effective, and most importantly, that my children would let me use on them (while in emotional states of panic, clutching grazed knees and screaming blue murder).

One product that I literally would not be without is a pack of Dermocare Safari Plasters. Bella and Connie love them, I think mainly because once I have produced a pack, their minds are instantly focused on bright and bold images of animals rather than on the initial shock of hurting themselves.

Each plaster is a tiny work of photographic art - each displaying a different endangered species. They are bright, colourful and beautiful and provide Mums with a great conversation starter to quickly take your little one's mind off of any pain they might me feeling.

The plasters are wash and sweat proof. They lie smooth against the skin (so much so that you don't notice you are wearing them). 

The plasters don't peel, meaning that they don't end up being picked at and removed. When you do choose to take them off however, removal is quick and painless.

They are also great for sensitive skin - both Bella and Connie suffer with Excema and their skin is extremely sensitive to most adhesive plasters. The girls have never had a problem with these, they protect the area well and cause no irritation.

Each pack provides a good variety of sizes which is extremely handy. 

Because of their bright colours, they don't get lost easily. So if they are picked off and dropped somewhere, they are easy to find and dispose of (thus preventing a chocking hazard or spread of germs).

We love how educational these plasters are - they teach older children about endangered species and help to broaden the vocabulary of younger children by teaching them the names of different animals and what they look like.

The plasters are fun and effective - so much so that I use them myself (although I wouldn't recommend them under nude tights while wearing a short skirt - they sort of disrupt the look a bit).

If you have little ones that tend to fall over, go and buy some of these for your handbag or first aid kit - just watch that your children don't try to steal them and stick them all over their bedroom walls. Seriously. Bella tried.

Kids Don't Come With A Manual

Being a parent is bloody hard work! 

From the moment we see that tiny filickering pulse on the sonogram screen or our thumbs are gripped by a tiny vice like little hand, all we want is the absolute best for our little people.

Most parents have an idea already thought up in their heads about the things that they want for their children in later life, steady and happy careers, large houses, long lasting and happy relationships etc. What it all boils down to is this - parents want to see their children grow into content and confident people who are able to easily find their own happy place in a very large and tricky world.

The difficult bit however, is figuring out how to get them there. With so many conflicting ideas about how we should parent our children it can be difficult to find our own way. 

Before having Bella, I read every parenting book going (all very difficult to relate to, and all very patronising). I wanted to feel prepared for what was going to happen and start by putting my best foot forward. 

The absolute truth is that there is no one book or even a library of books that can prepare you for parenthood. Each child is absolutely unique and, unlike any other priceless gadget, unfortunately they do not come with an instruction manual. Most parents arrive home and, after a brief spell of wondering around saying 'look what I did' enter into a long stretch of silently screaming, 'what the heck do I do now?!'

Most parents just find themselves plodding in a 'blind leading the blind' sort of a way, trying not to break their children and praying that each little decision doesn't lead to a total melt down later on in their child's life. I sort of liken it to that episode in The Simpsons where they go back in time and keep accidentally changing the future by landing on stuff! Every decision that we make as parents has the potential to have a massive impact on what our children will be like as adults.

Although there is nothing to prepare you for the initial shock of becoming a parent, I have found one book that seems to make the rest of the journey appear a lot more manageable and far lass scary. 

'Kids Don't Come With A Manual' By Carole and Nadim Saad is the sort of book that every parent dreams of stumbling upon. To use another time travelling movie metaphor (I seem to be on a roll so why not?) it is like the equivalent of the book that Biff Tannen writes to his past self in 'Back to the Future', the one that tells him about what sports games to gamble on and so on. 

The book provides a complete tool kit for parents (more of a life line really for some of us) and addresses every issue that might be faced by an individual who is desperately trying to do a decent job of parenting. It not only provides a set of quite magical tools, but also a clear and concise instruction manual for how to use each tool effectively and on a daily basis.

A huge emphasis is placed upon the connection between parent and child throughout the book, as well as the ways in which this connection can impact a child's behaviour (both now and in later life). Each of the parenting tools is given with this connection in mind - with the main aim being to sustain and strengthen it at all times. The authors continually draw the reader back to the main aim of the book, and indeed parenting itselft - do develop emotionally secure, happy and confident little people.

Carole and Nadim Saad, the books authors, use their own experiences as parents along with their professional knowledge, to help Mums and Dads in all sorts of situations, find ways of preventing parental struggles or challenges before they arrise. 

The language used is straight forward, positive and accessible even when the issues being addressed are complex or the strategies offered come with a lot of psychological weight.

Common parenting issues are dealt with quite systematically. The author addresses common parenting issues from the point of view of a 'strict' parent, an 'all heart' parent, and from the view point of the child. All perspectives are then taken into account and a solution is offered or 'tool'! In order to prevent the issue arising in the first place or in order to address it. The solutions are all based upon psychological research, but they are broken down wonderfully and are easily read and apply to every day situations. To make them even more accessible, the authors have offered real life examples of how the tools have been used, which provides a really clear context for the information that is given.

The best part about the 'tools' sections, is that they come with a short script to follow so you can practise them a bit before having a go yourself with your own children. This also helps with constancy if you are trying some of the them out alongside your partner.

Some of the issues addressed within the book include:

Defusing whining and arguing

Limited choices

Being constistant

Empathy and Validation 

Active listening

Setting rules

Logical consequences 

Delayed concequences

This short list is merely a snippet of the wealth of parenting challenges that are covered within the book. Because of the vast amount of important and useful information that the book provides, it does take a lot of time to really process and apply effectively. I am currently using it chunk by chunk in order to focus on specific issues that I a facing. The layout of the book makes it easy to find solutions to problems quickly and effectively (especially in times of parental crisis). There is even a trouble shooting section.

When read and applied as a whole though, I think that this book could be life changing - almost providing a bit of a 'parenting detox' and a total lifestyle change, that I am sure would make for a happier home all round.

Even after reading the book from cover to cover, I am finding that I don't want to be without it. It has already altered my perception of the ways that I interact with my children. The voice of the child sections specifically have given me a brand new insight into how the ways in which I interact with my children might make them feel and act. By making small changes I am already seeing a very positive impact on the general mood of the house - my stress levels are lowering and the usual daily parenting struggles that I face seem to have decreased.

The book is fabulous and if, like me, you find the whole parenting thing slightly daunting (understatement of the century) then this book might just be what you need! I really can't speak highly enough of it, so you really must take a peek for yourself! 

Danielle

Follow us on Twitter - @accidentlparent

Like us on Facebook - The Accidental Parent Guide

Nearly New

If you have not experienced the sheer genius of a nearly new sale, then allow us to enlighten you (ooh la la, I went a bit Fifty Shades then).

A nearly new or table top sale is a bit like a car boot sale – a clean, warm, polite car boot sale without any cars. Or boots.

The sales usually take place in a community hall and are often themed, for example arts and crafts, health and beauty or our personal favourite, baby and toddler.

My Mum introduced me to nearly new sales when I was pregnant with Bella. At first I wasn’t keen on the idea – I was 19, a bit naive and not massively keen on the idea of putting second hand clothes on my new born baby. That being said, I was also 19 and surviving on a student loan (as my Mother reminded me) so I went along to have a peek.

During that hour I picked up enough baby equipment and clothing to see me through at least the first six months of Bella’s life (and then some), and barely broke £40.00.

I now go to the baby and toddler sales whenever they are on, and here’s why…

There is a ‘nearly new etiquette’ that sellers seem to follow at the sales, whereby everything sold has been cleaned, ironed and is beautifully presented. I think this is because sellers are given roughy 2-3 hours to sell as much as they possibly can, so making everything look and smell lovely helps to persuade people to buy the stuff. The sellers have usually crammed their cars full of stuff that they simply want to get rid of. Most won’t want to have to take it all home again, so sellers usually offer brilliant deals.

Children grow so quickly, meaning that often the nicest outfits are only worn a couple of times and stay in good condition. Yesterday we picked up roughly six Jasper Conran, John Lewis, Monsoon and Autograph dresses for Bella and Connie and barely broke a £10 note. Two of the John Lewis dresses were brand new with tags and we picked both up for £1. These sales really are brilliant if you like good quality clothing. Because of the nearly new sales, Bella and Connie have always been dressed in high quality, beautiful clothes. I am able to dress my children in stunning outfits that I would have never dreamt of buying brand new (they’re only going to get pooped/puked/trampled on anyway).

The sales are full of brilliantly high quality, educational baby toys. Again, all of Bella and Connie’s toys are beautiful and educational. All from Melissa and Doug, Fisher Price, The Early Learning Centre etc. Yesterday we bought Connie a brand new V-tech 3-in-1 Zebra scooter. It is currently selling on Amazon for £49.99. We paid £4.00. You really would be surprised what people sell, and for how cheap, these sales are like little gold mines.

Often sellers have only brought a fraction of the stuff that they want to sell down with them. If you meet a parent that has similar tastes to you in clothing and/or baby toys, it’s always worth exchanging numbers. They may be interested in selling more items to you without the bother of having to do another sale. Likewise, if they have a child that is older than yours, they will always have a stream of clothes to get rid of once their child has grown out of them – everyone’s a winner!

The tables usually cost around £5-£10 to hire and unlike setting up a car boot sale, you don’t have to rely on the weather. Your items don’t get dirty or dusty and you stay warm and comfortable.

There are often refreshments so even if you come away empty handed, at least there’s cake, and who doesn’t like cake? To be honest, our local nearly new sale always has such a good cake section, that Mum and I usually just go for the refreshments and a natter!

At some of the larger sales there is often entertainment such as raffles, face painting, music, puppet shows etc. People like to go to advertise their local businesses, so it’s a great place to go to do a bit of networking.

You also usually get a free goodie bag when you arrive. I blooming love free stuff. Last time they were full of Pritt sticks and washing powder. What’s not to love?!

These sales really are amazing. If you haven’t already, then google them. They take place all around the UK and are just brilliant.

They provide another way for parents to do their best for their children, without breaking the bank!

We picked all of this up for under £20.00!

And the clothes!

Here are some links that might help you to find your nearest sale:

http://www.mum2mummarket.co.uk/

http://www.tabletoptreasure.co.uk/

We Quit Sugar

Right. After months of discussion, debate and research, we have decided as a family to totally give up sugar and as much processed food as possible. 

In short, we want to go green and be healthy.

I could go into so many of the reasons behind our decision - all of them scientifically proven but, what they all come down to is this: vegetables and fresh foods are magical, whereas sugar is poison.

Sugar Causes cancer. It ages very part of our bodies both inside and out prematurely. It slows us down, stopping us from being able to focus and concentrate. It makes us fat and basically destroys our health.

Pretty much anything that has been made for us (ready meals, sauces, bottled drinks, 'fat free' yogurts, granola bars) is pumped full of sugar. Big companies need our food to taste better so that we buy more of it. It's as simple as that. The only way to avoid it really, is to try and make as much as you can from scratch.

Last year I quit suger for 5 months (before falling off of the wagon on my birthday). I can honestly say, that after the initial five week suger free detox, I felt enormously better than I have ever felt. My mind was clear, I had masses of energy, I didn't get ill once during the full five months, I had more patience with my children and felt more connected to them, my complexion was completely clear. I literally glowed. 

I was breastfeeding Connie at the time, and, not giving too much detail, even my milk was of a better quality. Connie was less fussy and slept soundly through the night.

At the time, Steve and I decided that it would be unfair to ask Bella to join us. We felt like we would be depriving her of part of her childhood by asking her to skip puddings or decline when sweets were offered. After considerable thought however, we have decided that we were wrong. After experiencing how good we both felt once we were completely sugar free, we realised that what we had actually been doing was depriving her of an education in food.

This time we will do things differently. We want to learn as a family to cook fresh, nutritious and healthy meals from scratch - we aren't fantastically accomplished cooks, so we are going to learn alongside Bella and Connie. It is important that they see us as learners too, as they will be right there with us as we learn new recipes and figure out our way around our mistakes. This will help us all to develop a sense of confidence and ownership over food. Steve and I have spent most of our adult lives fearing the kitchen for some reason. We left home and survived on all things easy and quick because we didn't feel at home with food. Hopefully starting girls off at such a young age will prepare them and keep them healthy for life. We want them to enjoy food with their senses, and truly learn to love the magic of it.

When it comes to sweets, cakes and treats We have decided (along with Bella) that we won't eat anything out of a packet. Instead we will have a go at making lovely treats ourselves using naturally sweet ingredients such as rice malt syrup and sweet potato etc. This way, the treats that we eat will taste even better, because we will have made them from scratch and we will be spending more time together as a family, cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Parties and play dates will be handled slightly differently, here, Bella will be left to make up her own mind about what she wants to eat. We are hoping that after tasting such fresh and gorgeous foods that sweets and cakes will start to become less and less appealing It will be up to her to decide.

Our aim is to rid the kitchen of anything pre-packaged or processed, or with over five ingredients, or ingredients that we can't pronounce or understand.

Now we aren't millionairs, and having looked around our local health food stores, it doesn't look like it is going to be cheap, so we will spend the next seven(ish) weeks finding our feet and recording how much we spend. We want to find out if a truly fresh, tasty and sugar free diet can be achieved at the same price as an average food shop. 

Likewise, we don't always have masses of time, so we will also be looking for quick and easy recipes that can conveniently slot into an every day routine. Accessible recipes that can be adapted in order to involve younger chefs.

By the end of the seven weeks we are hoping to have developed a two week menu for a family of four who are also trying to go green. We will provide a list of the (UK) shops that offer the best value for money ingredients, together with a shopping list (some of the ingredients we have stumbled upon lately have been a bit odd, so we will try to provide a good description of what to look for).

We will be looking for the tastiest dishes that can be created on a budget, but that even the fussiest munchkins will devour.

While we do this, we will also be blogging about all of the difficulties that we face while trying to stay sugar free as a family and how we overcome them. If we overcome them!

Like all parents, we want to do the best we can for our children. We want to keep them it and well and help them to maintain a healthy relationship with food. We also want to keep ourselves fit and strong so that we are always there to look after them.

It would be so lovely to have your support along the way along with any Advice that you can offer. It's probably going to be a tricky ride, but I'm sure it will be so worthwhile.