Childbirth is painful, there are no two ways around it, it just is. Now the pain comes in many ways but the pain I am going to talk about is the physical pain of giving birth and how best to help your partner through it. Because let’s face it, a bruised hand and an uncomfortable chair is about the worst you will have to deal with. Unless you faint. Try not to.
To be more use to your partner during her labour you have to try and understand the pain your partner is going through. And no, I can guarantee it is nothing like that time you got kicked in the nuts.
So to explain the pain felt during childbirth, well…. I can’t. Because to those less observant as a man, I have yet to give experience it. All the analogies of passing your head through a brick wall or pooping a football don’t make sense. Mainly because I would not try to pass my head through a brick wall and hopefully I will never have to poop a football. All we need to know is that the pain they are going through is bad, and by bad it is the worst pain any of us could imagine. However it does have a time limit and will all be over at some point.
So for all birthing partners I have complied a couple of tips to help you help your partner get to the other side.
1. Don’t moan. Heck even if you have two broken legs in casts, a migraine that is causing you to almost black out and your constipated, it won't compare. You and your sore bum are of no concern to your partner, or the midwife.
2. Be wary of what you eat in the labour ward. Your partner is mid contraction with searing bolts of pain going through her body and all she can smell is your cheese and onion Pringles. Big no no, I learnt this one the hard way. Danielle's Mum, best friend Lou and I were screamed at by what I would love to say was Danielle. But the being on the bed was more similar to a large gremlin with a strong dislike to cheese and onion Pringles. If you need to eat, make sure it does not smell, does not make a noise and when you eat be as discreet as possible.
3. When she makes a demand, do it! ‘What do you mean hold your knee whilst patting your head and rubbing your tummy?’ The demands your partner make will most probably make no sense but it is your job to do them. She might not be completely herself right now. There is a child coming out if her. Would you be?
4. Don’t laugh. Well laughter is good, it helps distract. But if you are going to, do it when you know she will laugh with you. No matter how funny it is that she just farted mid contraction, now is not a good time. She will murder you.
5. If she panics and/or just cries. Calm her down, quotes like ‘man up’ or ‘strap on a pair’ do not help. This isn’t Rugby, this is childbirth. You need to hold her hand, arm, leg, anything she wants and talk to her. The midwife and doctor will do so much talking, but they have a job to do so will be quiet at different points. These moments can sometimes cause a bit of panic, you need to keep the talking going even if it’s repeating what the doctors have said. I remember when the talking stopped and Danielle looked at me with eyes of panic and all I could say was ' breath, keep breathing' over and over until the midwife or Doctor started again. It won’t stop the pain, but it will keep their mind occupied.
6. Never leave her on her own. As soon as you get her to the hospital make sure someone is always with her. Time your toilet breaks, all I can say is being in so much pain is a scary time and to be left on your own whilst you send a log down stream or drain the spuds is not good. It only takes a moment and one hard contraction to turn the most sensible headed pregnant woman into a bubbling mess.
7. Be there with them. Put the phone down, twit twat and bookface won’t disappear. If your partner gets a sudden contraction she will want you there, not ‘let me finish this post’. There is plenty of time for that later, you will even have a picture to put up that is better than last nights dinner.
The pain is hard, all I ever wanted to do was to swap places with Danielle and take her pain away. There will not be an awful lot that you can do, but the small things help. This is your partners hour of need and you have to be there 100% there are no excuses.
Once all is said and done and your partner has given birth to your newborn, she will be thankful. Kiss her forehead, tell her how beautiful she is, and how proud you are of her, and enjoy that gorgeous baby.
Steve
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