Kids Don't Come With A Manual

Being a parent is bloody hard work! 

From the moment we see that tiny filickering pulse on the sonogram screen or our thumbs are gripped by a tiny vice like little hand, all we want is the absolute best for our little people.

Most parents have an idea already thought up in their heads about the things that they want for their children in later life, steady and happy careers, large houses, long lasting and happy relationships etc. What it all boils down to is this - parents want to see their children grow into content and confident people who are able to easily find their own happy place in a very large and tricky world.

The difficult bit however, is figuring out how to get them there. With so many conflicting ideas about how we should parent our children it can be difficult to find our own way. 

Before having Bella, I read every parenting book going (all very difficult to relate to, and all very patronising). I wanted to feel prepared for what was going to happen and start by putting my best foot forward. 

The absolute truth is that there is no one book or even a library of books that can prepare you for parenthood. Each child is absolutely unique and, unlike any other priceless gadget, unfortunately they do not come with an instruction manual. Most parents arrive home and, after a brief spell of wondering around saying 'look what I did' enter into a long stretch of silently screaming, 'what the heck do I do now?!'

Most parents just find themselves plodding in a 'blind leading the blind' sort of a way, trying not to break their children and praying that each little decision doesn't lead to a total melt down later on in their child's life. I sort of liken it to that episode in The Simpsons where they go back in time and keep accidentally changing the future by landing on stuff! Every decision that we make as parents has the potential to have a massive impact on what our children will be like as adults.

Although there is nothing to prepare you for the initial shock of becoming a parent, I have found one book that seems to make the rest of the journey appear a lot more manageable and far lass scary. 

'Kids Don't Come With A Manual' By Carole and Nadim Saad is the sort of book that every parent dreams of stumbling upon. To use another time travelling movie metaphor (I seem to be on a roll so why not?) it is like the equivalent of the book that Biff Tannen writes to his past self in 'Back to the Future', the one that tells him about what sports games to gamble on and so on. 

The book provides a complete tool kit for parents (more of a life line really for some of us) and addresses every issue that might be faced by an individual who is desperately trying to do a decent job of parenting. It not only provides a set of quite magical tools, but also a clear and concise instruction manual for how to use each tool effectively and on a daily basis.

A huge emphasis is placed upon the connection between parent and child throughout the book, as well as the ways in which this connection can impact a child's behaviour (both now and in later life). Each of the parenting tools is given with this connection in mind - with the main aim being to sustain and strengthen it at all times. The authors continually draw the reader back to the main aim of the book, and indeed parenting itselft - do develop emotionally secure, happy and confident little people.

Carole and Nadim Saad, the books authors, use their own experiences as parents along with their professional knowledge, to help Mums and Dads in all sorts of situations, find ways of preventing parental struggles or challenges before they arrise. 

The language used is straight forward, positive and accessible even when the issues being addressed are complex or the strategies offered come with a lot of psychological weight.

Common parenting issues are dealt with quite systematically. The author addresses common parenting issues from the point of view of a 'strict' parent, an 'all heart' parent, and from the view point of the child. All perspectives are then taken into account and a solution is offered or 'tool'! In order to prevent the issue arising in the first place or in order to address it. The solutions are all based upon psychological research, but they are broken down wonderfully and are easily read and apply to every day situations. To make them even more accessible, the authors have offered real life examples of how the tools have been used, which provides a really clear context for the information that is given.

The best part about the 'tools' sections, is that they come with a short script to follow so you can practise them a bit before having a go yourself with your own children. This also helps with constancy if you are trying some of the them out alongside your partner.

Some of the issues addressed within the book include:

Defusing whining and arguing

Limited choices

Being constistant

Empathy and Validation 

Active listening

Setting rules

Logical consequences 

Delayed concequences

This short list is merely a snippet of the wealth of parenting challenges that are covered within the book. Because of the vast amount of important and useful information that the book provides, it does take a lot of time to really process and apply effectively. I am currently using it chunk by chunk in order to focus on specific issues that I a facing. The layout of the book makes it easy to find solutions to problems quickly and effectively (especially in times of parental crisis). There is even a trouble shooting section.

When read and applied as a whole though, I think that this book could be life changing - almost providing a bit of a 'parenting detox' and a total lifestyle change, that I am sure would make for a happier home all round.

Even after reading the book from cover to cover, I am finding that I don't want to be without it. It has already altered my perception of the ways that I interact with my children. The voice of the child sections specifically have given me a brand new insight into how the ways in which I interact with my children might make them feel and act. By making small changes I am already seeing a very positive impact on the general mood of the house - my stress levels are lowering and the usual daily parenting struggles that I face seem to have decreased.

The book is fabulous and if, like me, you find the whole parenting thing slightly daunting (understatement of the century) then this book might just be what you need! I really can't speak highly enough of it, so you really must take a peek for yourself! 

Danielle

Follow us on Twitter - @accidentlparent

Like us on Facebook - The Accidental Parent Guide

Nearly New

If you have not experienced the sheer genius of a nearly new sale, then allow us to enlighten you (ooh la la, I went a bit Fifty Shades then).

A nearly new or table top sale is a bit like a car boot sale – a clean, warm, polite car boot sale without any cars. Or boots.

The sales usually take place in a community hall and are often themed, for example arts and crafts, health and beauty or our personal favourite, baby and toddler.

My Mum introduced me to nearly new sales when I was pregnant with Bella. At first I wasn’t keen on the idea – I was 19, a bit naive and not massively keen on the idea of putting second hand clothes on my new born baby. That being said, I was also 19 and surviving on a student loan (as my Mother reminded me) so I went along to have a peek.

During that hour I picked up enough baby equipment and clothing to see me through at least the first six months of Bella’s life (and then some), and barely broke £40.00.

I now go to the baby and toddler sales whenever they are on, and here’s why…

There is a ‘nearly new etiquette’ that sellers seem to follow at the sales, whereby everything sold has been cleaned, ironed and is beautifully presented. I think this is because sellers are given roughy 2-3 hours to sell as much as they possibly can, so making everything look and smell lovely helps to persuade people to buy the stuff. The sellers have usually crammed their cars full of stuff that they simply want to get rid of. Most won’t want to have to take it all home again, so sellers usually offer brilliant deals.

Children grow so quickly, meaning that often the nicest outfits are only worn a couple of times and stay in good condition. Yesterday we picked up roughly six Jasper Conran, John Lewis, Monsoon and Autograph dresses for Bella and Connie and barely broke a £10 note. Two of the John Lewis dresses were brand new with tags and we picked both up for £1. These sales really are brilliant if you like good quality clothing. Because of the nearly new sales, Bella and Connie have always been dressed in high quality, beautiful clothes. I am able to dress my children in stunning outfits that I would have never dreamt of buying brand new (they’re only going to get pooped/puked/trampled on anyway).

The sales are full of brilliantly high quality, educational baby toys. Again, all of Bella and Connie’s toys are beautiful and educational. All from Melissa and Doug, Fisher Price, The Early Learning Centre etc. Yesterday we bought Connie a brand new V-tech 3-in-1 Zebra scooter. It is currently selling on Amazon for £49.99. We paid £4.00. You really would be surprised what people sell, and for how cheap, these sales are like little gold mines.

Often sellers have only brought a fraction of the stuff that they want to sell down with them. If you meet a parent that has similar tastes to you in clothing and/or baby toys, it’s always worth exchanging numbers. They may be interested in selling more items to you without the bother of having to do another sale. Likewise, if they have a child that is older than yours, they will always have a stream of clothes to get rid of once their child has grown out of them – everyone’s a winner!

The tables usually cost around £5-£10 to hire and unlike setting up a car boot sale, you don’t have to rely on the weather. Your items don’t get dirty or dusty and you stay warm and comfortable.

There are often refreshments so even if you come away empty handed, at least there’s cake, and who doesn’t like cake? To be honest, our local nearly new sale always has such a good cake section, that Mum and I usually just go for the refreshments and a natter!

At some of the larger sales there is often entertainment such as raffles, face painting, music, puppet shows etc. People like to go to advertise their local businesses, so it’s a great place to go to do a bit of networking.

You also usually get a free goodie bag when you arrive. I blooming love free stuff. Last time they were full of Pritt sticks and washing powder. What’s not to love?!

These sales really are amazing. If you haven’t already, then google them. They take place all around the UK and are just brilliant.

They provide another way for parents to do their best for their children, without breaking the bank!

We picked all of this up for under £20.00!

And the clothes!

Here are some links that might help you to find your nearest sale:

http://www.mum2mummarket.co.uk/

http://www.tabletoptreasure.co.uk/

We Quit Sugar

Right. After months of discussion, debate and research, we have decided as a family to totally give up sugar and as much processed food as possible. 

In short, we want to go green and be healthy.

I could go into so many of the reasons behind our decision - all of them scientifically proven but, what they all come down to is this: vegetables and fresh foods are magical, whereas sugar is poison.

Sugar Causes cancer. It ages very part of our bodies both inside and out prematurely. It slows us down, stopping us from being able to focus and concentrate. It makes us fat and basically destroys our health.

Pretty much anything that has been made for us (ready meals, sauces, bottled drinks, 'fat free' yogurts, granola bars) is pumped full of sugar. Big companies need our food to taste better so that we buy more of it. It's as simple as that. The only way to avoid it really, is to try and make as much as you can from scratch.

Last year I quit suger for 5 months (before falling off of the wagon on my birthday). I can honestly say, that after the initial five week suger free detox, I felt enormously better than I have ever felt. My mind was clear, I had masses of energy, I didn't get ill once during the full five months, I had more patience with my children and felt more connected to them, my complexion was completely clear. I literally glowed. 

I was breastfeeding Connie at the time, and, not giving too much detail, even my milk was of a better quality. Connie was less fussy and slept soundly through the night.

At the time, Steve and I decided that it would be unfair to ask Bella to join us. We felt like we would be depriving her of part of her childhood by asking her to skip puddings or decline when sweets were offered. After considerable thought however, we have decided that we were wrong. After experiencing how good we both felt once we were completely sugar free, we realised that what we had actually been doing was depriving her of an education in food.

This time we will do things differently. We want to learn as a family to cook fresh, nutritious and healthy meals from scratch - we aren't fantastically accomplished cooks, so we are going to learn alongside Bella and Connie. It is important that they see us as learners too, as they will be right there with us as we learn new recipes and figure out our way around our mistakes. This will help us all to develop a sense of confidence and ownership over food. Steve and I have spent most of our adult lives fearing the kitchen for some reason. We left home and survived on all things easy and quick because we didn't feel at home with food. Hopefully starting girls off at such a young age will prepare them and keep them healthy for life. We want them to enjoy food with their senses, and truly learn to love the magic of it.

When it comes to sweets, cakes and treats We have decided (along with Bella) that we won't eat anything out of a packet. Instead we will have a go at making lovely treats ourselves using naturally sweet ingredients such as rice malt syrup and sweet potato etc. This way, the treats that we eat will taste even better, because we will have made them from scratch and we will be spending more time together as a family, cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Parties and play dates will be handled slightly differently, here, Bella will be left to make up her own mind about what she wants to eat. We are hoping that after tasting such fresh and gorgeous foods that sweets and cakes will start to become less and less appealing It will be up to her to decide.

Our aim is to rid the kitchen of anything pre-packaged or processed, or with over five ingredients, or ingredients that we can't pronounce or understand.

Now we aren't millionairs, and having looked around our local health food stores, it doesn't look like it is going to be cheap, so we will spend the next seven(ish) weeks finding our feet and recording how much we spend. We want to find out if a truly fresh, tasty and sugar free diet can be achieved at the same price as an average food shop. 

Likewise, we don't always have masses of time, so we will also be looking for quick and easy recipes that can conveniently slot into an every day routine. Accessible recipes that can be adapted in order to involve younger chefs.

By the end of the seven weeks we are hoping to have developed a two week menu for a family of four who are also trying to go green. We will provide a list of the (UK) shops that offer the best value for money ingredients, together with a shopping list (some of the ingredients we have stumbled upon lately have been a bit odd, so we will try to provide a good description of what to look for).

We will be looking for the tastiest dishes that can be created on a budget, but that even the fussiest munchkins will devour.

While we do this, we will also be blogging about all of the difficulties that we face while trying to stay sugar free as a family and how we overcome them. If we overcome them!

Like all parents, we want to do the best we can for our children. We want to keep them it and well and help them to maintain a healthy relationship with food. We also want to keep ourselves fit and strong so that we are always there to look after them.

It would be so lovely to have your support along the way along with any Advice that you can offer. It's probably going to be a tricky ride, but I'm sure it will be so worthwhile.  

Making the Most of Nap Time!

I am often surprised by the amount that I can accomplish during Connie's nap time. Those who have had babies will surely agree, that there is no greater gift then the chance to have even just 15 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time. When it comes to filling that 15 minutes, the possibilities are truly endless.

Now on average, Connie tends to nap from around 11am until about 12. This gives me a solid 60mins of freedom to whizz around the house doing as many odd jobs as I can physically handle effectively. It's a personal challenge I set myself daily and I often have a list as long as my arm of 'nap time things to do' to check off throughout the week. The list usually looks something like this:

Thorough clean of the kitchen/bathroom/bedrooms inc. hoovering as quietly as possible

Tidy away the pile of clean laundry at the bottom of the stairs 

Sort through girl's wardrobes and clear out clothes that are too small then arrange all wardrobes

Put said unwanted clothes on eBay or gumtree

Prepare lunch/dinner make list of ingredients to buy

Clear out under sofa

Clear out the messy cupboard

Clean windows 

Pay bills

Make important phone calls to important grown up people like the bank and my insurance company

Change and make the beds

Study

Rearrange the furniture because I fancy a change (then forget where I put everything and lose important objects/documents

Try to write a blog

Try desperately hard not to use up the gold dust time on Facebook/Gumtree/Ebay......

I usually try and get at least two of these jobs done while Connie is asleep. This nearly always involves me rushing around the house like a woman possessed, often resembling one of those cloudy puff balls that you used see in cartoon fights, with the arms and legs poking out at odd moments.

For those of you excitedly awaiting the birth of your first child (and those others who haven't yet mastered the art of the nap time marathon) I have compiled a short list of things that you can do to help make the most of even the tiniest chunk of mid day freedom.

1.) Coffee

Since becoming a Mum and learning how to utilise nap time, I have made a very special friend. A friend who truly gets me through the tricky parts of the day, who forces a smile upon my otherwise grumpled face and who I quite honestly I could not get through life without. Coffee. Beautiful, wonderful coffee.

For some reason, coffee actually seems to make me want to do the housework. So I tend to drink it religiously in the morning and just before nap time. It seems to break me out of my Gruffalo type shell in the morning, and turns me into more of a Snow White (in the cleaning department if nothing else). It makes achieving the things on my every growing list possible. 

2.) Lists

Make a list of 2-3 things that you want to acheive while the little one is asleep, this will give you a success criteria to work towards and you'll feel lovely when things get checked off. I was once told to write things that I had already done on my list, just so that I could physically cross them off. It gives you a wonderful sense of accomplishment if nothing else!

3.) Prioritise

Only try to do the things that really need doing - mainly the things that have been getting on your nerves. Mine usually includes decluttering a cupboard at some point and sorting out the ever growing pile of laundry. Don't be hard on yourself when you can't finish everything you planned, there's always tomorrow - be kind to yourself.

4.) Be Realistic

Try not to bite off more than you can chew - there is nothing worse than having your little one wake up just as you have emptied out the entire contents of the messy cupboard. 

Also, don't pin everything on the nap time, there may be times when your little one inconsiderately  decides that they don't want to nap any more. In which case your nap time plans will have to be postponed I'm afraid.

5.) where comfy clothes

If you are attempting the nap time housework marathon, you must be dressed for the occasion. My preferred attire consists of a pair of Steve's trunks, a baggy old ugly t-shirt that I got from work several years ago, no bra and hair scraped up. It's not my best look, but it shows I mean business.

6.) Keep moving

I try to rush as much as possible and move around lots when I am attempting a house work marathon, that way I can view it as my exercise session for the day thus removing all traces of guilt from the daily dose of dark chocolate.

7.) Treat yourself 

Making the most of nap time doesn't always mean doing the house work. Have some you time. Take a bubble bath, read a book, have a cuppa, watch your little one snooze or whatever you need to do to feel happy and rested. If your baby is really tiny, the best idea might be to have a nap yourself (if you can). As I always say, happy Mummy = happy household. As long as your surfaces are clean you're fine!

Danielle

Follow us on Twitter - @ accidentlparent

Like us on Facebook - The Accidental Parent Guide

Are we there yet?

So one of the things I learnt from childbirth is that, as always, the movies have lied to us. Darn you Hollywood!! As soon as the waters break it is not the case that you have to get your partner to the hospital quicker than Usain Bolt can run the 100m. She is not going break waters, scream and shout for five minutes with some random person in her nether region saying ‘just one more push!' and your child will be born all clean and washed with no blood or mucus. Oh no, it’s a marathon, well for us it was. Both times.

Both of our children’s births were different, with Bella being induced and Connie coming au natural. But both times it has taking over 24 hours from the waters breaking to the actual birth of a crying, blood stained, flop covered bouncing baby.

You will obviously have the emergency bag neatly packed and waiting by the door, but from my experience, I have learnt that what is in there is either not enough or useless (why do we have 26 nappies, 3 packs of wipes and yet no grown up food?!)

So in order to help the support team, I have listed a couple of things that will help both you and your friend/partner through their labour:

 Pack supplies 

This is mainly for the support team, you will be there a while. Have plenty of snacks and water to keep your energy high so when it gets to the crunch you aren’t asleep counting sheep in the corner whilst your friend/partner is screaming blue murder and near throttling the midwife. 

Also make sure the food and water isn’t noisy, smelly or in any way offensive. Your friend /partner will be turning into a troll and will be easy to upset so leave the Wotsits and pickled onions and don't be slurping the last contents out of a Capri Sun.

Be aware of all the vending machines and canteens, their contents and their locations. You will need to go all Bear Grylls and locate a supply of food and water should you end up using all of your own supplies. Plus this will help keep everyone from getting ‘hangry’ (hungry and angry, we will cover this in another blog) which should help maintain a calm and happy(ish) atmosphere.

 Spare change

Get a tenner (at least) and break it up into pound coins. This covers the car park and the vending machines. Leave this change in the emergency bag you will be thankful when all the water and haribos are gone that you have this little bag of gold to keep you going. Make a trip to the maternity hospital and check out the parking tariffs, that way you can have the change ready to go. Bare in mind, you will be going back and forth and your partner might have to stay in for a while if there are complications.

Locate the toilets

Some labour wards only have toilets for the woman giving birth and no one will like you if you end up dropping the kids off at the pool in the only toilet in waddling reach. Remember in the labour wards all sanity is gone and no amount of trying to explain how close you were to touching cloth will do, you will probably be strung up. Don’t take the risk, scout out the toilets.

 

Nap

If she isn’t contracting regularly you can relax. It is a little time yet until things pick up and again you will need your energy. If not for the birth than definitely for after. You will have to do all the lifting and shifting for your partner once she has popped the bub out. 

Pack a change of clothes

I forgot the do this both times regretted massively. You will be there in the labour ward you will sweating alongside your partner. You may well end up with blood, tears, saliva and other questionable stains on your person. After the birth you will need to help shower your partner, this is a perfect time to squeeze in a shower too. Just a quick pits and bits wash - enough to spruce yourself up. This will make things a lot more comfortable for both if you and you will feel a lot happier when the family comes to visit. 

Literature 

Brjng books and magazines to help pass the time. There are only so many 'why breastfeeding is good' and 'how to change nappy leaflets' you can take before wanting to jump out of the nearest window. Your partner might need something too of the labour is slow (Dan passed the time by watching 'The Walking Dead' on her lap top. Which was fitting.

Chargers

Pack  one and leave it in the bag. These will keep the phone charged and therefore enable contact with the outside world as you slowly lose your mind. Just don't be on your phone during the actual labour - you will be smacked hard. In the face.

Substitutes 

Have a spare person on stand by if you can. Both times we were lucky to have someone else to be there when we needed a wee break or just 5 minutes. As I said in an earlier blog, ‘It only takes a moment and one hard contraction to turn the most sensible headed pregnant woman into a bubbling mess' she may well want someone with her at all times. We were lucky to have Dan's Mum and Lou - although at times Dan was so full of gas and air that she didn't have a clue who was even in the room!

Recording devices

Make sure they are packed and fully charged! We filmed both births, and although Dan hated being filmed during the actual labour - we both agree that it was so worth while. It helps is both to remember the births (we were both so tired both times that it was lovely to relive it a few months later) we will also use the videos as effective means of contraception when the girls encounter boys.

Once you are at the hospital and settled, it's time to get comfortable and relax. It will get hairy soon enough and you will need your wits about you when it does.

-Steve

Follow us on twitter @accidentlparent

The (not so) fantastic Mr. Fox….

Losing pets is horrid and it sucks. Losing pets and having to explain to your five year old that both of her much loved bunny rabbits were killed by a pack of hungry foxes somewhat intensifies the suckiness.

During the last couple of days we have had to console our daughter, pick up the pieces (literally) and perform a moonlit funeral (we had planned for a morning ceremony but the foxes weren’t content with taking just one of our rabbits, and came back at around 8 looking for the body of the other one). We thought it best to put them to rest as quickly as possible, in order to save Bella from even more emotional trauma.

So as we both sit here with our very much needed beers and reflect on the events that have unfolded over the past couple of days, we thought we would try to bring something positive from everything that has happened and give all those parents with pets and small children a bit of a heads up.

Now we can’t promise that everything we said and did while dealing with the situation was exactly the right thing to do (we are praying that we haven’t screwed Bella up too much in the process of explaining death) but she seems ok now, so all we can really do is let you know how we got to this point – a five year old sleeping soundly in her bed and two ice cold beers.

We acted quickly - Dan dealt with most of the clean up by herself at 3am after hearing the commotion outside. (I was away the night of the incident.) After not being able to locate the second rabbit however, we both knew that the garden would be off limits for a couple of days until we had a clear picture of what had happened.

 We were honest - We knew that we would have to tell Bella as quickly as possible, so Dan set her alarm for 6am (long before Bella’s natural wake up time). As with every delicate topic we approach with Bella, we were as honest as possible but used language and details that were appropriate for her level of understanding. We explained that it would be less upsetting for her not to go into the garden for a day or so, because we hadn’t yet found Merle, and didn’t want her to be frightened if she found him first. She had many questions throughout the whole of Friday, and we tried to answer them all as honestly as we could.

We used what she already knew about nature - At first, all that Bella felt was overwhelming anger towards the foxes. Luckily Bella had learnt about the jungle and Africa at school this term. We knew that she had been taught about lionesses and how they hunt and kill their pray in order to feed the rest of the pack. We were able to help Bella link this to what the foxes had done, and explained that foxes don’t have a way of knowing which animals are pets and which animals are wild – they just know what looks like food and that’s all that matters to them. We also spoke about Roald Dahl’s Fantastic Mr Fox (one of her favourite films) in the same way and although it didn’t help an awful lot, it did help Bella to see things in a different light.

We distracted but didn't ignore - Throughout Friday, Dan did all she could to help take Bella’s mind off of what had happened. We found that Bella would almost forget about it all but then suddenly remember and just sit and cry, or stop talking. We rode the highs with the lows and just let Bella take the lead. When she felt happy, we smiled with her and when she cried, we cried too. Dan decided to take Bella to her favourite cake shop and our lovely friend Liz even let her help decorate a birthday cake that she was making.

 We involved Bella - We tried to involve Bella in every decision that needed to be made. This involved explaining what happens to things after they die. Bella wanted to keep Daryl in a box in her bedroom and Dan had to explain why this wasn't possible, and what our options were. After a very long and delicate chat, we decided to bury him in Bella’s favourite box and wrapped in one of her baby blankets to keep him warm. She popped a crocodile (that she had made out of an egg box) on top of him to keep him safe and decided that she would be the one to put the lid on. We were reluctant at first to let Bella be this involved but she was adamant that she wanted to be. Luckily Daryl was intact when Dan found him, and looked as though he was sleeping so it seemed ok to let her say goodbye. Unfortunately when the foxes decided to pop back for another go, they left us with another horrid surprise. For some reason, unbeknownst to us, they had decided to bring back the lower half of Merle’s body and leave it in the exact spot that Dan had found Daryl. We decided not to let Bella see him, but instead placed Daryl over him so that looked like they were snuggled up together.

We showed Bella that we are human - As mentioned before, we showed Bella that she was not alone in feeling upset. We mainly just cuddled her, stroked her head and cried with her and ate a lot of cake and Easter eggs.

We remembered - We spent the day remembering all of the funny and naughty things that the rabbits used to do and how they made us all laugh. We also spent time telling Bells about some of our old pets and making her laugh with all of our funny stories.

The past two days have been a bit rubbish, but they have also been a massive learning curve for us and for Bella. We are just hoping that the decisions we have made have been the right ones and that we haven’t emotionally scarred her too much.

Dan and Steve.

Pet Shop Party

Today was very quiet. Connie and I spent most of the day on our own together as Bella was with a friend and to be honest, I was exhausted!

Poor Connie mainly just payed while I worked. I'm studying again at the moment (home based childcare) so I needed her to keep herself busy while I worked. She's pretty independent though, and loves playing in her little kitchen, so I just needed to make sure I drank various cups of pretend tea and nibbled on plastic slices of watermelon!

To make it up to her, I took her to Pets at Home in the afternoon. I know that does inked. Most editing day out, but for Connie, it seems just as exciting as a trip to the zoo (accept at pets at home, you know that most of the animals will be released and find a happy home at some point).

Connie loves looking at all of the animals and the fish. She runs around the shop visiting each little section of pets saying "hiya" and waving at each individual animal.

At the end of the day we nipped into a charity shop and found these two little happy land men. Bella begged me to buy them because they reminded her of her Daddy and Grandad! 

I'm wondering whetheit is the outfit that the little man is wearing that reminds her of Steve or the fact that he has a phone stuck to his head!! 

Money spent: 20p

Coffees needed: 3

Bella's review: not much to review really, she had a great day at her friends house, told me all about it and then went straight to bed! 

We're Going On a Bear Hunt

Today Bella decided that she wanted to do something nice for her sister, so she read Connie her favourite story 'We're Going on a Bear Hunt' over breakfast.

Connie got so excited that she joined in with most of the story and nearly bounced her way off of her high Hair. 

"Mum! What if we went on a REAL bear hunt? We could do it like when we went to Neverland!"

Well that was that. We then spent the entire day drawing story plans, making lists of the things we needed and setting up each part of the story. Bella had had a friend over to sleep the night before, so we had an extra pair of hands which helped a lot (they did also spend a proportion of the time bickering - but it's getting to that point in the holidays now so that's to be expected).

The girls worked really hard on preparing each section of the story. Their plan was to take Connie around to all of the different areas that they had made, while reading the book to her, so that she felt like she was really there in the story.

As usual we took lots of pictures...

Connie spent lots of time alongside Bella, drawing the dark, gloomy forest. All the while saying 'Uh- oh, Uh-oh'.

The girls transferred the story plans they had drawn inside, onto the patio, so that they could remember where to put everything, and the order of the story.

"you can't go over it, you can't go under it, OH NO you've got to go through it!"

Walking through the grass, swishy swashy, swishy, swashy!

Trudging through the river. Splash, splosh, splash, splosh!

Uh-uh, a snow storm, a swirling whirling snowstorm!

Quick, through the forest. stumble trip, stumple trip.

Uh - uh, a cave! A narrow, gloomy cave!

What's that? It's a bear!!

Connie was a bit too scared to go into the cave....

So she went for a swim in the river instead!

The girls had so much fun today, and it was great to do something so multi-sensory for Connie.

I am once again exhausted! I think we all are. It's getting to that point in the holidays now where everyone in our household is a bit tired and grouchy - I'm sure I'm not the only Mummy who's starting to pull her hair out a bit. 

Time to put Connie to bed and go get the red! 

Money spent - £0

Coffees required - none, far too hot today.

Bella's review - 10/10;

Play Dates, Smoothies and Sleepovers

Today we spent another great day at home.

Two of Connie's little friends came over for a play date, which was lovely (and also loud). 

We decided to get out ALL OF THE TOYS and the lounge was taken over by toddlers. It's always a bit mad when Connie has her friends over, but it's so worth while, as it has such a positive impact on her developmentally. Bella loves it too - well, what five year old wouldn't like having a mini adoring fan club?

It's so heart warming to see Connie playing alongside and interacting with children her own age. It's so much easier to see her as an individual when she is with her friends, and makes me to realise how much she has grown and changed since we brought her home 20 months ago!

Because of the impact that interaction between children of a similar age has on early development, I try to arrange a play date for Connie at least twice a week, whether we are going to a friend's house, having friends over or attending a group/children's centre. It is so important for children to share experiences with other children who are at roughly the same age.

Here are a few of the reasons why I try to keep Connie's diary full...

Language - Connie listens to the words that the children around her have already picked up and copies them. She seems to enjoy learning from her friends far more than learning her vocabulary from me!

Language - being in a different place or having another child at our house, gives Connie and I a new context and more things to talk about, which helps me to extend her vocabulary while she is playing or observing other children play. She also hears new words and accents when observing other parents.

Language - having a shared experience means that we both have something to talk about, to tell Bella about when she gets home from school. Connie always gets excited when Bella asks her what she got up to - and then we have lots of fun trying to describe all of the fun things we have seen and done.

Making relationships - Connie loves to sit back and watch what her friends are doing. I don't worry if she doesn't join in, because she is still learning. Usually she will copy what she has seen later on in the day, and then will feel confident to join in the next time.

Making relationships/Managing feelings and behaviour - Connie is now learning to play happily next to other children. When this involves turn taking, she is having to learn to manage her feelings and behaviour (which we are finding tricky at the moment). She is having to learn that not every toy belongs to her and that sometimes she has to share hers.

Making relationships - Connie has started to look for familiar faces at play groups. She knows different children by name and gets excited when she sees and greets them.

Managing feelings and behaviour - spending time with children has helped Connie to gain an awareness of the feelings of others. If someone looks sad, she comforts them by trying to give them a hug - often rugby tackling them in the process and causing an accidental face plant to the floor.

Observation - as previously mentioned, Connie will often watch her friends as they play. She frequently used what she has seen in order to make connections and adapt what she does and make it better in her own little way.

Tiredness - by the end if a play date, Connie is often exhausted after all of the learning and fun, so it's straight down for a nap and coffee time for Mummy!

I could go on to list far more of the befits of planning opportunities for children to play alongside others. I haven't even touched upon the impact it can have on the parent's wellbeing, and the positive impact that it can have on the parent/child relationship.

One thing about play dates though, is that they don't just tire out the child - so I will have to save the rest of that blog for another day, for I can hear my bed calling me!

We finished off the day by getting out the Deliciously Ella cookbook, and making mint choc-chip smoothies (Bella is having friend over for a sleepover and it was the only 'fun' activity I could think of that didn't require too much clearing up).

Overall it's been a pretty successful day. Every one is asleep and I will soon follow.

Money spent - £1.00 (one avocado and a banana for smoothie)

Coffees required - two big ones

Bella's review - haven't asked her yet as she was too busy playing and slurping smoothie. 

Whistle While You Work

Today was another quiet one. Bella woke up feeling rubbish, so we decided on a fry up and another lazy morning. Then I hit the house work. Hard.

Steve always laughs at me when I wear my housework outfit as I usually dress very specifically for the occasion. My clear out uniform often consists of a pair of Steve's trunks, a baggy t shirt and no bra (I'm sure I am not the only one who feels that they can move just a little bit more freely when braless!). I would post a picture of the delightful ensemble, but for fear of putting you all off of your tea, I thought it best to leave that one out! 

I spent THREE hours clearing and sorting. THREE. I'm always shocked at just how much rubbish we seem to accumulate as a family, and just how many rubbish and charity bags we manage to fill each month when I have had one of my mad clear out sessions.

I love doing it though, it clears my mind and chills me out. 

Once the charity bags were all dropped off and the rubbish was in the bin, it was time to go to my Mums for a BBQ. It is my Step-Dad's Birthday tomorrow, so we went to go and celebrate with him. In keeping with our £3 a day budget - we popped a £2 lottery ticket into his card as a present (having promised to get him a little more when the challenge is over. Unless he wins, in which case I think we'll have done our bit!). Bella also did the washing up as a little birthday present to Ben.

We are now finishing the day by letting the girls watch Frozen before they head off for an early night. Then Steve and I will get down to some serious 'Once Upon A Time' watching. Oh our lives are so glamorous!

Money spent - £3.00

Coffees required - two coffees and three teas

Bella's review - 5/10 because she started off poorly

Like us on Facebook - The Accidental Parent Guide 

Follow us on Twitter @accidentlparent

I really hope that wasn't poisonous.

I try to feed my children a balanced, nutritious diet full of vegetables, fruit the odd sweet treat here and there. 

Apparently though, there are times when what I provide is just not enough, and my children have looked elsewhere in order to satisfy their very specific cravings. 

There have been a few times since becoming a Mum, when I have been forced to ask my Mother, Nan, Best friend Lou and even Google the frequently asked question, "what do I do if my child eats a ........."

Yesterday I  took my eyes off of Connie for all of 30 seconds and she ate roughly an entire child's handful of butter! She didn't seem to mind, although she was rather thirsty for a while after, and smelt like cake for the rest of the day. It didn't stop her asking for more though.

Connie seems to quite like exotic cuisine. One day last year, in the height of Summer, I had managed to trap three massive Daddy Long Legs spiders all within an hour. I'm petrified of spiders, but I hate killing them, so I usually pop them under a glass and then leave them in the porch until Steve gets home, and the. I let him get rid of them. I had managed to trap all three under individual glasses and then left them in the porch. I then nipped out to the kitchen to grab some wet wipes, and this was the scene I returned to...

Connie had managed to toddle into the porch, closing the door behind her. When I walked in, each of the three glasses was empty and the spiders were nowhere to be seen. 

I spent the rest of the day in a panic because someone had once told me that Daddy long legs spiders were among the most poisonous in the world! I was just praying that she hadn't actually eaten them and that they had managed to magically scurry away to some secret hiding place.

This was not the case. I won't get graphic, but the evidence was in the nappy the next morning.

It's ok though, she lived.

Here is a list of things that my daughters have survived (and quite enjoyed) eating, along with their reactions. So if you ever find yourself uttering the words, "oh my gosh, did she just eat that? Do you think she'll be ok?" hopefully this list will be of some use. 

(Obviously a doctor would probably be your best bet in terms of advice, but our general rule is that if it's organic not chemical, it's probably not going to do masses of harm, unless it's part if the mushroom/berry family).

1. Ants - no reaction, just kept trying to eat the rest of their little friends.

2. Rabbit food - spat it out. 

3. Own poop - vomit

(one of Bella's nappies exploded in the night while we were sleeping and clearly she just couldn't resist).

4. An entire box of cigarettes - very smelly vomit.

(this one was actually me - I think I was about 2 and found them in the back if the car).

5. Grass - no reaction.

6. A buttercup flower - no reaction

7. Talc - coughing and sneezing (this one was Steve when he was little, apparently he was covered in the stuff).

8. Play dough - no reaction, just didn't like the taste.

I'm sure there will be more to add to this list as time goes on. The main two things we have learnt is that it takes a child roughly two seconds to find a delightful and potentially dangerous little treat to eat so you really do need eyes in the back of your head. 

But when they do inevitably end up eating something a bit odd, the important thing is not to panic! They really are robust little creatures, and it will usually just pass straight through.

Always trust your instincts though, and if you are worried, take your child to A&E or call NHS Direct for advice. It is always better to be safe than sorry and will put your mind at ease. 

Danielle

Like us on Facebook - The Accidental Parent Guide 

Follow us on Twitter @accidentlparent